Lot’s to discuss today, yesterday I was getting major downloads for where my business seems to be heading. To be honest this whole week has been one of growth and change, of fine tuning what I want to bring to the world, working through the blocks to believing that I actually can be of service to people, grieving past versions of myself, forgiving them and taking small actions steps forward.
It’s a lot, but I know I am heading in the right direction. I can feel the tingling sensations of fear and excitement in my body, it feels like my body is propelling me forward, even if my mind and it’s onslaught of doubts is like running behind me saying “hey what about this!” or “what about your, at times, crippling indecision”, “remember you can’t commit to things!” or the old fav “you?! HA yah right..”.. etc etc etc..
But something I have now learned to embody on the reg is realizing that these thoughts are not actually my truths, they are fear based, because we are growing, we are changing and we are evolving, all unfamiliar things the ego does not want.
Which leads me to today’s topic, your true self v. your real self.
This is a concept I heard first from Tara Branch, author of Radical Compassion, a beautiful person, and mediation instructor. Her mediations helped me through my second dark night of the soul last year. She talks about your soul’s truths, and how a situation in your life can be and feel very real, but is it your ultimate truth?
Example:
My current job is stressful and chaotic and my peers/bosses don’t seem to value me. Which makes me feel unhappy, unworthy and under appreciated.
Now ask yourself, is this real? Does my job make me feel those things? Yes.
But is this true? Is it the ultimate truth of my being that I am unhappy, unworthy and under appreciated. No.
I am not those things at my core, even if a real life situation is bringing them up in me. It can feel very real, it can indeed be your reality. But often it is not the truth of who you are.
You didn’t come to earth to embody unworthiness, to be treated badly and feel under valued.
But you may have come here to learn to value yourself, and that you truly are worthy of all your desires. And the way to deeply know that on a cellular level is to be put in situations that don’t value you, so you can realize ” I am not valued here, I am leaving this situation”, or ” I am learning to value myself regardless of the opinions or situations in my external world”.
One of my favorite quotes goes something like this…
“the universe will deliver the message to you in either a feather light tap on your shoulder, or a wrecking ball to your life, depending on how willing you are to hear it”.
In short, if you don’t listen to the subtle voice of your intuition, the red flags, the synchronisities going on around you of why you should or should not do something, the universe will send another, more pressing situation with the same message. It will keep doing that until you stop, listen, and look at the underlying patterns of these repeating situations. Extract the wisdom from these wounds, and move forward with it.
” you don’t discover yourself in the big experiences, but in the small moments in between them”
Ok, lets get something out of the way right now. Regardless of where you go in life, you are the same person on the inside, therefore you will experience where ever you are, the same way.
Ie… You don’t find yourself out there, you find yourself in here.
Example: I’m going to go travel so I can feel free, I’m going away for the weekend , I’m staying at the perfect place, I’m quitting this job for something better, I’m leaving this “person/place/thing” to go to a better “person/place/thing” and then I will feel better.
Spoiler alert, any feeling better that something external provides you will be fleeting until you work on the internal.
Your “stuff” is with you wherever you go. Yes you might be happier in a job that values you more, in a bigger house with more light, or with a partner who treats you equally and it is really nice to go away for the weekend! That is all important. But as you may have realized, once you change the external, but you don’t do the work on the internal, the same reasons why you left that “not good enough situation” will start to seep back into you new situation.
Why do all these jobs I have leave me feeling depleted and resentful from over giving?
Why do I seem to attract a friend circle that always puts me down or makes me feel less than?
Why does every new partner of mine fail to make me feel like that inner goddess I know I am?
Why do I focus on all the things that I don’t like or could be better about this vacation instead of enjoying it in the present moment?
They may have different faces, different job titles, different locations, different attributes, but the pattern seems to be repeating…. something is “not good enough”. Something out there is to blame for my circumstances and I must keep looking for a better “something out there”.
I have experienced this my entire life, constantly seeking external validation for my internal sense of lack.
I have travelled far and wide, all over the globe, and I feel confident that I can bring you this message.
Nothing out there will bring you internal satisfaction.
You must look inside, you must look at the repeating patterns, you must sit with your feelings of discontent that is new person, place or thing brings up. You must take responsibility for your inner world. You must start to elevate your self from the victim consciousness we can all fall into. That is not the same was being an actual victim BTW.
Victim consciousness is when we think that the outside world has all the control. That we have no say in what happens to us. That we can be easily controlled and manipulated into giving our power away.
How does that look like….
“I have this great idea, I bring it to my boss/partner/friend, they don’t agree fully, so I kind of forget about..”
or…
“I have this great idea, I get excited and then all my doubts come in, and I abandon it…”
or
“I have this great idea, I encounter some stumbling blocks on the way to executing it, and then I give up, eh it wasn’t that great anyways….”
Let’s take our power back. Let’s realize how powerful we are. Let’s not self abandon when things get tough or people disagree with us. Let’s start to realize that these outer situations in our life are calling us to evolve into the next layer of ourselves.
If we desire real, lasting, sustainable contentment it has to come from inside, regardless of where you are, what you are doing, or who you are doing it with.
How do you do this?
Next time you get those familiar uncomfortable feelings from an event in your life… ” jeez not again, my partners always make me feel *blank*… try and reframe it to this..
” What is my reaction to myself when I feel *blank*?”
Is it kind and caring? Or is it dismissive or mean?
What if I let whatever feelings are being evoked by this situation just be there? with out judgment?
What is I stopped judging myself as “bad or wrong, or broken and needing to be healed”
Questioning your habitual patterns will change you life.
Start where you are right now.
The present moment is where all of your power lies.
Let’s talk about a topic of much controversy, at least in my mind. Is that my ego mind or my intuition talking? I have had a difficult time trusting myself, I tend to either over anaylize OR totally do the thing and not think about it. Both have had their merits, and both have had their challenges. But when I am conscously trying to access my intuition it’s a much more fine tuned process.
It’s more of a whisper felt by a sensation in my body, an expansive feeling, or a constriction.
Or sometimes a quiet voice coming from my heart center, with a somewhat vague message. One that I can choose to honor in that moment, or let my mind start it’s favorite job of analyzing the crap out of something, with all the reasons I should definitely “not” do something.
One of the biggest realizations I have had is that if you are debating yourself ” Is that my intuition or my ego talking?” means that it is not your intuition, it is now your ego based mind, basically debating itself. Distracting you from anything whisper that your intuition had given you.
Perhaps the whisper was there, perhaps it was really quiet , or you didn’t like what it said. A lot of times you won’t, a lot of times it does not make sense, or go along with the normal status quo, it pushes you out of your comfort zone and out of the zone of immediate gratification. Those zones are where you ego LOVE to be, in the familiar, safe and sound and comfortable. It loves to set up shop here, and will do almost anything to keep you here, even if it is not for your highest and best good.
Now let’s dive into the ego mind a bit more. Your ego mind is your conditioned identity, who you think you are, what you think you like, the construct of “self” that has been created by your past. Your ego lives in the past, when you start to delve into things you haven’t done before, it will pipe up. It is piping up to me right in the moment, saying ” stop writing this, you have nothing to say”.
But I carry on, because I have learned to see my ego as a part of me that has protecting me for years and years. When I was small and overwhelmed, it swooped in with it’s distractions, so I could carry on. I see it through a sense of loving annoyance, ok, there you go again, “thank you but we are ok”….
As you may know, there is a ton of astrology info out there, sometimes it seems like almost too much. Everyone has a different spin on it, which is one of the things which makes it so dynamic and versatile, you can get a totally different take on your natal chart just by having two different astrologers read it.
Which is cool.
But you know what I think is cooler? Knowing how all of these moving pieces in the sky that make up our natal charts ,work together and influence our day to day life via our energy. As I have mentioned before, energy is everything. Energy is literally the prana, or life force running through you and everyone else. Heck it’s running through everything in the universe! Your energy is your internal guide to what you love, because feel lit up, to what scares you, because you get that funny feeling or what is a heck no in your body, because just no.
I get daily updates from a certain astrologer that I really click with, he has a totally different approach based on the 30 degrees, or steps as he calls them, of the current zodiac transit. It’s really fascinating and totally new and different, but what gets me is that I will wake up feeling in a certain energy, sometimes its more ego based, with the mind running in circles, some days it’s more heart centered and calm, and sometimes I just want to run away, or hide etc etc etc… I very rarely wake up feeling the same energy. I use to think it was just crazy old me, but now after following the Siruis Joy updates, his reading will almost 99% of the time be spot on in validating how my energy is feeling. His name is Christopher Wictecki, and the app is called Siruis Joy, I highly recommend it.
But what it really got me to understand is that the interplay between the planets has an immense impact on us here on earth and once I become aware of it, it helped release the “jeez whats wrong with me today ” vibe that I can sometimes fall into if I wake up in a less then desirable energy state. You just learn to go with the flow of that days energies, choosing to respond to it how you see fit. You can meet the day with a bit more awareness, knowing that even if you don’t have control over the planets, you have control over how to react to situations they could be influencing. Which is true in all of life. I always like to say in my readings, we humans were created with free will. You may have a few less then perfect planetary placements, but it is up to you to make the choices of how to deal with them for your ultimate growth and expansion. Same goes for positive planetary placements. Even if you Jupiter is in your 10th house in a trine with your Mercury, doesn’t mean you will automatically become a millionaire New York Times bestseller if you don’t choose to do the work. 🙂
Which leads me into my fav topic about astrology, how it effects us and what we can do about it in our every lives. Honestly, I am less interested in all the technical jargon about what asteroid is squaring whom, and for how long, and the like. What gets me is how we take that knowledge ” natal mars squaring transiting sun, opposing current moon in Capricorn” and turn into this… “you may feel an extra dose of energy behind your passion project, this is a great time to really buckle down and write out your business plan you have been putting off”.
That is what I want to bring to people, the practical application of astrology. The psychology behind the energy and how to use it.
One I have pondered many nights. Why did I create this business? and for who? and what exactly am I offering.
These types of questions are the basis of a mission statement, which essentially this is.
I created this business to hold a safe space for people to transform, to be there to bring guidance, clarity and compassion to other’s journey’s , whatever they may look like.
We are all on different paths, we all have different desires, goals, challenges, life circumstances , but one thing we all have in common is we all need someone to cheer us on. Whether it is a friend, partner, parent, guide, coach, therapist, the title does not matter as much, as the fact that you are aiding with the growth of another.
When you are diving into the depths of your soul, things can get sticky, things will come up, things will get painful, you will want to quit, you will want to retreat back to your comfort zone, and it is easy to do when the people that love you and are in your life, see you one way, the old way. They see you how they have always seen you, how it makes sense to them , in relation to how they see themselves. They may love you, but they don’t always “get” what you are doing.
That is where I step in.
I believe that essentially we are our own best healer. No one else knows our specific needs, wants, and desires like we do, but we can’t always see the way forward, our blind spots block us, our limiting beliefs pop up in the strangest ways , and it’s easy to get discouraged and go in circles. I offer a structured container in which we make space for the body, mind and soul. It is safe to explore the parts of you that other people may not be able to meet. A person can only meet another person as deep as they have met themselves.
I have met myself in some deep places, other to discover that the majority of my fears, are false. They are my ego trying to keep me in the familiar ways of my past, growth and expansion are not what the ego is here for. That is where your soul comes in, that is all it wants for you. To expand into the most authentic version of you.
I coined a new term today… crumb-ly….. or crumbly if you will.
When you hear that you may think of a cookie, I do.
I have a favorite coffee shop I go to, and on occasion I will get a double chocolate cookie along with my matcha. I go here specifically because their matcha’s don’t come pre sweetened, and if you are a matcha drinker you know that is like almost impossible to find.
AMIGHT my fellow matcha drinkers ?!
SO I go here to get my unsweetened matcha with oat milk, but then sometimes this chocolate cookie just calls out to me. So whenever I get it, I quickly abandon the matcha and devour the cookie. Yes I know the ridiculousness of going to a specific coffee shop to get an unsweetened matcha, and also getting a cookie, that is not lost on me. But I am ok with it.
If I try and break a piece off of the cookie while still in the bag, my preferred way of eating it, it crumbles into a million little pieces, and does not make for the easiest driving snack. So I have learned to just take bites out of the cookie whole, and for some reason it does not crumble.
Lately, I feel like this cookie, if something or someone tries to “break me” I crumble. I immediately give over my power to whatever the crumble inducing thing is, and abort the mission I was on. But the odd thing is that I am witnessing this crumble, almost from a position of this crumble is happening automatically from a habitual part of my body. My mind doesn’t even really agree, my mind is saying “that’s not so bad, we are ok” but it’s like my body didn’t get the memo. Almost like it’s waiting for the opportunity to go into crumble mode, almost seeking it out if you will. While this is very odd, and makes me feel a bit out of control, I am making in-roads with it , doing all the stuffs, and am getting help as needed. I know it’s happening for me, so I feel strangely at peace with it.
What I wanted to discuss in this post is how to reframe this crumble and keep going. Currently I am in the beginning stages of building my online spiritual life coaching astrology business. Which is a trip. Really, if you ever want to be faced with all your “stuff” start a business that is close to your heart. Or maybe not even close to your heart, but I don’t recommend that, starting a business is hard work and takes the dedication that only a heart centered cause would give you the strength to endure.
A sign that I know something big is coming up for me is that I will start to see hints of it everywhere, which is when I started to see the theme of not falling back into your old patterns when faced with a new challenge, on repeat, I knew it was coming for me.
And that hunch was solidified when my energy mentor told me this was exactly what we were working on this month. Not falling into victim mode when things don’t go my way, when an obstacle appears or when you need to change course. More specificity when I ask for guidance from my higher power, to do so from an empowered place , not from the more whiny, child like place of “whhyyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeee” which is what I’m a little ashamed to say, I had been doing. Now maybe not all the time, but definitely when hard things come up, I would ask for guidance almost from a state of “do it for me so I don’t have to”.
When she said this it clicked immediately. Oh snap, I see. I have very much began to embody the asking for guidance from my higher power on the reg, but half the time it was not from a centered place of empowerment, but from that powerless childlike place. And then I would be shocked when nothing empowering came to me. It was for sure a lightbulb moment.
So now that I have this new info, I have begun to catch myself, to make sure when I ask for guidance to center myself in my heart space before doing so, ready to receive the guidance, whatever it is and however it looks, when it comes. Ready to do my part, as the functioning adult I am, even if the screaming child parts of my body needs some time to process and heal, which I will give it.
Tying this back into growing my business while being in this crumbly state of awareness, I got another tip today, build your business is a way that does not deplete your energy, the path of least resistance. This is my business and I can build it as I see fit. Another lightbulb moment! Ah yes, this is my business, and I CAN build it just how I want. Honestly, I believe the more I am true to my heart in all that I do, the more of my soul tribe I will attract. And in this day and age, there is no one size makes successful, especially in the online business space. There are so many people just doing themselves, offering their gifts and being of service, first and foremost to themselves, then to their clients.
So, I feel good. I feel raw, vulnerable, crumbly, but learning to embody my truest self. I know that on the other side of this discomfort I’m sitting with and looking at, is a beautiful business that serves me as much as it serves you.
Whelp! This has been coming up so much for me and others around me. I decided to write a post on it, perhaps it will resonate with you as well.
We all have them. We all know them. That person… that person that when you think of him or her, your face gets flushed, your chest tightens and your mind start to race. An interaction with them, can send you spinning, it can disrupt a previous moment of calm, and send you into a response of either thoughts of how terrible they are, or how terrible you are. They bring out sides of you that you would rather not face. Basically they bring out your shadow side, the feelings you have disowned, for whatever reason. But they all come back when faced with this person.
And here is the kicker…. it’s not about that person, it is about you. Everything is about you. Life is an internal game, what you subconsciously believe in, you see manifest all around you. Change your subconscious believes, change you life.
AND that, is what the person is here to help you do that.
It is my belief that the universe is conspiring to grow you, to evolve you into the truest version of yourself. Not the conditioned version of your ego, your character or even who you think you are. The true version, underneath that, your soul’s version, your highest self, the big self, the inner knowing, there are many words for it, you pick the one that resonates with you, but I think you understand where I am coming from.
This person is here to help you become that. By challenging you, by making you feel discomfort of seeing something you want in her, seeing something you have disowned in her, seeing who you could be in her, seeing her winning, seeing her losing, seeing her owning her gifts, or seeing her squandering them. This person is inviting you to look inward, what is beyond this surface level judgement? What feeling is at the core of this? It is often said that if someone judges you, and it hurts, it’s because you hold that same judgement. They are here to help you heal. Now I KNOW that is not an easy pill to swallow, or even to hear.
But if we can reframe all of the difficult people in our lives as bringing us the opportunity to heal something with us, in order for our growth, vs. the victim consciousness of “why am I surrounded by all these people who suck” ….if we can be open to the fact that yes, we all have areas of growth, we all have wounds that hold us back from reaching our true potential, IF we can look at the situation from that lense, we can hold space for ourselves to heal the hurt that this person is triggering.
If it wasn’t this person, it would be someone else, or something else, or a different situation but all bringing up the same disowned feelings, the universe will keep bringing the lesson to you in different forms, until you stop blaming and shaming, and look inward, with compassion towards self.
AND you know the best part about this… you do not have to keep this person in your life. You can learn what you need to and move on. If it’s a person you can not move on from, you can put up boundaries, you do not need to stay around this person to “learn and grow”…. you can move past it.
That is freedom in my book. Thanks person A for showing me this thing I needed to look at! and now bye….
I like to say this…
” I love you as a human, I honor your human, thank you for the opportunity to grow and I wish you well… and bye “
What is a solar return reading? Well another way to say it is….. Happy Birthday ! Whoot! Let’s celebrate:)
Your solar return is when the transiting, or current sun, enters into your natal zodiac sign, at the exact time of your birth. Similar to how your natal chart is a snap shot of the planets and other luminaries at the time of your birth, a blueprint of your life’s essence if you will … think of your solar return the same way, only instead of your entire life’s unique energies, it is just focused on the upcoming 12 months. This can be a good indicator of things to come.
It is my believe that the zodiac wheel represents all areas and aspects of life. Each planet , and luminary, such as the sun and moon, have distinct energies, and a Zodiac sign ( or two ) associated with them, as well as a house.
So for example….Jupiter is the planet of values, beliefs, good fortune, travel, and expansion. Where you see Jupiter in your chart you can expect these energies to follow. Jupiter rules the 9th house, of higher knowledge, philosophy and wisdom. Sagittarius is the zodiac sign ruling the 9th house and Jupiter is the planet that rules them both.
So an easy way to think of the relationship is like this…
Planet – the energy
Zodiac sign– how those energies form into traits
House– where those traits play out in your life.
Making sense of it all….
So if your natal blueprint has your core essence embedded in it… your solar return has the essence of the upcoming year, depending on the interplay of your natal planets as well as the current or transiting planets. You don’t lose your core planets energies, but think of your solar return as a filter that is applied over the top.
For instance, your rising sign, also known as your ascendant, has a planetary ruler, and this ruler is said to influence your entire chart, meaning if Virgo is your rising sign, Mercury is your planetary ruler, so your life will have an over arching sense of order, focus and attention to detail and a knack for communication, as Mercury rules over communication of all forms.
If in your solar return chart, your rising sign is Libra, so your planetary ruler is the Venus, your upcoming year is going to have a lot of Venusian influence, such as beauty, luxury, abundance, love, relationships and being open to receiving. This translates to… you might step into a new partnership, or refine the ones you currently have, you might open up to a creative way to be abundant, or that you might just start to enjoy the finer things in life, whatever that looks like to you.
I could go more in depth about how the planets influence each other, but that gets very detailed and has a lot of nuance. But I will say that some aspects as more harmonious and flowing, and some are more challenging and meant to expand you.
But they are all happening for your growth and evolution of your soul over your lifetime.
A solar return reading will bring great insight to the year ahead. Check out the link below if you are interested in learning more.
I love Carl Jung, he is one of the pioneers of shadow work. What is shadow work you ask? Everyone seems to be talking about it these days, it’s almost become trendy. But to me, all it is, is making friends with, or simply accepting, your feelings you deem as “bad”. The big feelings that may have been to overwhelming as a kid to process, that someone shamed you for, made fun of you for, or that your caretakers had a hard time with themselves, so in turn they projected that on to you. But I digress, shadow work is a topic for another post. I’m actually working on a coaching offering that combines your natal moon placement and the planetary aspects to it, with what you need to nuture yourself and feel safe in the world, into a shadow work framework. To me, they are directly related. But anywhoodles, that will be coming soon… now on to the content for the day… mediation!
Mediation and your sun sign to be exact. I heard a passing comment the other day that air sings have trouble mediating.
I have never considered that, but it does make sense. My first reaction was…. ” Almost everyone I have met has trouble with mediation, including myself”. It is a practice, one that involves stillness and quieting the mind, things that us in the busy western world, are not taught to value. It takes time to cultivate, and a devotion to our journeys, to keep sitting with it, even on the hard days. People struggle with that.
But since I have been expanding my knowledge of the elements, fire, air, earth, and water, and their corresponding signs, I can see how different mediation practices would perhaps be beneficially to each sign.
Once thing I have learned these past 6 months, is that everyone’s journey looks different. Everyone is on a separate, yet connected journey, yes there are similar patterns and archetypes of humans behavior, but it is my believe that your soul is here on a mission, and each one requires different things. There are different lessons to be integrated, different values needing to be instilled and different layers to unfurl for each human. There is not a one size fits all approach with anything, and that included mediation.
Mediation is simply quieting the constant chatter of the mind, so you can heard the quieter knowing of you intuition, or the part of you that is connected to something bigger then you.
This can look different for everyone. Below I have outlined IMHO some ways that would work for the sun signs and their corresponding elements.
Fire Signs
Aries
Leo
Sagittarius
The fire signs are a passionate bunch, lots of energy, drive and will power here. When they want something, they want it, when they go after something, they get it, and when they don’t think something is worth doing, they generally don’t do it.
I would say that the fire signs in order to get behind their mediation practice, they would have to identify with the “why” of why they are doing it? What is the bigger soul’s purpose here? What are they getting out of it, and what do they hope to accomplish.
Perhaps a quick journaling exercise, an intention setting practice, would be beneficial before a traditional seated practice, so they can get clear on what is their “why” even just for this specific practice , of what they are doing on their mat. Also another popular way of seated mediation is sitting in front of a flame, a concentration point. A physical mediation practice would probably also suit them, like a really fiery yoga practice or another form of exercise that gets them into their body, moving out the stagnant and stuck energies. A key is to just stay present in whatever they choice, when they catch their minds replaying the past or going to the future, to bring their awareness back to the moment.
Earth signs
Taurus
Virgo
Capricorn
Earth signs are goooood mediators. That denser earth energy has no trouble settling down onto that mat. I would say that the practice for them, would be to really stay present and succumb to the moment. To not let their to-do lists overtake their minds and to just really “be”. A quick stretching series or a brisk pre-mediation walk, would be useful. Or perhaps simply just a walking mediation, in nature , would really spark something inside of them. If you have never done forest bathing, I highly recommend it. Going for a 30-40 minute quiet walk in nature, and staying present with the expansiveness of it, will calm your nervous system, and remind you that you are indeed part of nature as well.
Air Signs
Gemini
Libra
Aquarius
Now THIS bunch… all that swirling energy whipping around, might find that traditional mat sitting difficult, unless they really were dedicated to it. Which of course they can be. My suggestion would be to keep their options open, a walking mediation , where they stay present , releasing the swirling thoughts that come in, into the world around them. Staying present with the left and right foot moving, and their breath going in and out, can keep you in the here and now. Perhaps a type of breath work to calm and center would also work. I would say that the air signs having a dedicated breath work practice would be really helpful for them, using all that air energy they inherently have to a good use. Or a seated mediation with a focal point of something rhythmically changing, such as waves crashes or a flame from a candle, or even a drum beat.
Water Signs
Cancer
Scorpio
Pisces
When I think of the water signs, I think of both, a raging river and a deep blue, quiet alpine lake. Water has the ability to be sheer expansiveness of stillness as well as the pure destruction of a stormy sea. Water signs are synonymous of our emotions. And if you have ever tried to sit while emotions were raging in you, you know how hard that is, regardless of your sign. But this is the perfect opportunity, to just really notice and be with the sensation that are arising in you. Name them if you can, name how they are presenting in your body, what they feel like, look like , sound like etc etc etc. You will notice if you put your awareness on them, and keep a nonjudgmental attitude, they will subside. Your raging rapids, will settle into that deep expansiveness that water is also known for. If sitting with these feelings is difficult at first, some deep breaths, or humming sounds originating from your sacral or root chakras, will help you access that deep stillness inside of you.
Those are my thoughts, as always, take what you want and leave the rest. There is no one size fits all version of anything in life, so be courageous and try a few things out, be ok with changing course. Some things will work and some won’t. Even a “no” is a good thing, because it strengthens your “yes” even more.
So it has happened. The day has come that I was planning for , anticipating with both joy and dread.
The sale of my house closed on Monday and I was moved out by Friday. The majority of my stuff was either donated, or given to loved ones, leaving me with 3x 3 storage unit stuffed to gills of my most treasured belongings and a car full fo shoes and coats.
Some things I just couldn’t bear to part with. Parts of me that were collected over the 6 years of owning the home, and from my whole life. Hence the storage unit, I had planned on just getting rid of most everything , take a few bags with me towards my next destination, but as I pulled more and more stuff out of my house and I realized how I might want to see that later, that those things meant stuff to me then, that they marked decades of my prior life and that it needed to by honored, not thrown by the wayside.
One thing this era of home owning has taught me is that all aspects of you past, present and future need to be honored and respected. If you don’t accept that your home is 80 years old and needs upkeep, bigger problems arise, if you don’t accept that the garbage has a schedule you have to stick to, your garbage piles up next to your house, if you don’t upkeep the lawn, ie. mow it consistency, it attracts mice, and your airbnb tenants get angry. And if you don’t accept that all these little things you are letting slide, are only going to get worse if you ignore them, you will have big problems later. These words can be applied to all aspects of life, and to our own body, mind and soul , but they are easier to ignore in those aspects, at least for me.
When it’s your home, something you had invested big money into, and its staring you right in the face, it’s harder to look away. So you don’t, you start to fix what needs fixing, you start to anticipate what will be needed next, you get the right people to work for you, and you mow your damn lawn!
My tendency is to rush, rush through to the next thing, the new adventure , the new calling…. hello Sagittarius moon!
But what this creates is a lack of presence, a lack of being in the now moment and enjoying everything around you. When you rush through life, focused on the future you miss out. You don’t value the moments of now, and it’s the moments of now that make up your life.
Now when I think of my 3×3 storage unit I am filled with love. It is located in a near by town, about 20 minutes drive, surrounded by an industrial park, gas stations, and drive thru espresso places. Somewhere that I would not have given a second though to before, actually I would have actually avoided it, but now when I think of it, I think of all the precious things I kept, baby pictures, keepsakes from my first long term travel, artwork from my nieces, items that I bought just for myself when I took the ownership of my home over completely on my own, and probably too many chicken related art…
I have gratitude for all the parts of my life that I had previously discarded, by being too focused by the next thing. This little storage unit now has the feeling of home to me. The feeling of the items that hold meaning to me. A little place I can call all my own. A grounding cord for my upcoming travels, which was always what my home was to me. I could go off and see the sights, do the things, and feel the feels, all knowing that I have a safe place to return to. Now this place is considerably smaller, but it still holds that same feelings, a place where I can be amongst the older versions of me, the versions of me that got me to the present version.
Those versions, I now meet with love and reverence, I give them the time and space they always needed, I honor them, while keeping my eye on the focus, but feet firmly planted in the present.
The Soul Coach 